A Heart Turned

"For anyone who says yes to Jesus

For anyone who believes what Jesus said 

For anyone who will just reach out and take it

Then God will give to them this wonderful gift:

To be born into a whole new life

To be who they really are

Who God always made them to be

Their own true selves-

God's dear

Child"

(John 1:12-13- paraphrase)

God has been working in the heart of little Wyn these days. We've  seen it in her rebellion and her confession. We've seen it in her questions and her pondering...and we've even seen it in her desire to know and understand why the God of the universe has any interest in His creation. 

A few days ago, I was reading on our bed during the girls afternoon nap. Just as I was starting to settle in, the bedroom door quietly squeaked open to reveal Wyndham standing there with one arm full of tattered "buddies", and the other one full of books from her bookshelf. Normally, I would redirect her right back to bed, but we hadn't been out of the house that day and so I caved and let her climb in bed with me for some afternoon reading. 

Lately, Wyndham has been very interested with "bad guys". Trying to understand evil, and why people do bad things. She has a Little Golden Book version of "Mickey's Christmas Carol". The Ghost of Christmas Past is portrayed by a character wearing a red devil costume. Almost predictably, she turns immediately to that page when she drags the book out. I was secretly watching her on this day, fascinated by her. When she got tired of Mickey's Carol, she turned in her Children's Bible to the story of Jesus being tempted in the desert by satan. Satan was portrayed by a person wearing a long black cloak. Though his face was never exposed, you knew that this was a formidable being. 

We haven't spent a great deal of time talking with Wyn about satan up until this point. She has enough fear to deal with at the moment- the #1 fear being her aversion to Grizzly Bears.....long story...we think she had a fever-induced dream a few months ago about a bear breaking into her room....it's been chaos ever since. Anyway, giving a small child the full picture of Satan's power and hatred of God and God's children in something to take in stride over time. 

I seized the opportunity to talk to her about having courage in the face of trial. 

W- Mommy, why is satan talking to Jesus?

M- He's talking to Jesus because he wants Jesus to forget about His Father in heaven and worship satan instead.

W-But why?

M-Because Satan is the Father of all lies. God created Him, but satan thought he was better than God- his own creator! He had pride in his heart- he thought he was better than God. He started gathering other angels with Him to fight against God. He became God's enemy. God threw satan out of heaven forever, and now, satan spends his time trying to trick people into thinking that they are more important than God. 

W-That's what the snake did to Eve!

M- That's right! That's because satan can disguise himself and make himself seem OK, when really he is just trying to get you to stop loving and worshipping God. 

W- But sometimes, I don't want to do things that you and daddy tell me to do. I want to lie and do what I want to do instead...

M- (catching my breath) That's right. We all have hearts that want to do bad things. That's why we need new hearts. Ones that want to do right things- ones that want to love and worship God and not ourselves. The only way that that can happen is if we admit and tell God that we have bad hearts and ask Him to live in us so we can have new ones.

W- I want to read the story of Jesus dying on the cross again.

M- Ok...

(We read through the Crucifixion, Resurrection and Ascension)...you can't just leave the story at the cross, you know?!

M- You know, Jesus being killed on the cross...it wasn't like a punishment that you deserve when you've done something bad.

W- Like a pat on the buns?

M- NO! It was MUCH much worse than a pat on the buns. Jesus never did anything wrong. He never sinned. He was perfect in every way.

W- Even to his parents?

M- Yes. Even to them. It would be like, if I told you and Sophie not to touch a special pot of flowers, and while I wasn't looking, Sophie touched it, knocked it over and broke it. Instead of her taking the "pat", it would be like if you volunteered to take the pat for her...

W-Yeah. Because she wasn't supposed to be touching the pot of flowers.

M- Right. But remember, Jesus was perfect, so even that story doesn't quite compare to the real one. God loved us and sent Jesus to take the ultimate "pat" for us. He was beaten and nailed to a cross. It was horrible Wyndham. The worst....

 (Wyndham is now sliding off of the bed...I'm beginning to think that I've been talking a bit too much)

M- Where are you going Wyn?

W- I'm going to go ask Jesus to come into my heart (DUH implied)

M- (Another gasp of breath- millions of thoughts running through my mind). Wow Wyn. That is a big deal.Would you like Mommy to help you pray?

W- OK (climbing back onto the bed)

M- Wyndham, before we pray to God, I want to tell you a few things so you understand what is happening. When you ask Jesus to come into your heart, you are saying that that you have a bad heart and that the only way to love and live for God is by believing that you're heart wants to do bad things and telling God about those things. You also need to believe that the only way to be with God again is to believe that Jesus was His Son, sent to take our punishment on the cross. That's a big deal Wyn. It's called "grace"- being given the gift of a life with God forever even when you don't deserve it. 

W- Hey! That's my middle name! 

M- Yup. We think Grace is one of the best word invented! Being a Christian is hard work Wyn. It's not an easy life, but it is so worth it, and someday, God will welcome us into Heaven and tell us that He is proud and that He loves us. 

W- Mommy (impatience growing)... I already know that.... are we gonna pray now?

M- (falling a part by the second) Ok. Sorry sorry. Let's pray. 

Dear God, I love you. You made all things in heaven and on earth. My heart wants to do naughty things and love myself more than you. I'm sorry and ask you to forgive me. I believe that Jesus is your Son and that He died on the cross for my sins so that I wouldn't have to. I give my life and my future to you. I want you to come into my heart and life as my Savior. I know life won't be easy, but with your help, I can grow and know you more every day. Thank You. In Jesus Name, Amen.

W- Mommy. Why are you crying? Aren't you supposed to be happy?

M- I am! I am! I'm just so proud of you...snif sniff...sob sob...hug hug...Wyndham, the world will tell you that God isn't real. The world will tell you that there are other Jesus'. But I promise I'm telling you the truth. There is one true God who loves us. When Jesus left His disciples to go back to heaven he told them to "Fear not, for I am with you always". He will be with you always in your heart, guiding your thoughts and actions. This is your 2nd Birthday. Let's go call daddy and write it down.

A million thoughts have been running through my head ever since this day. As parents, one of our highest calling is to raise our children in the knowledge and fear of the Lord. We as parents are called to shepherd our children's heart in hopes that God's Word would take root someday. It's easy to focus on the externals of their behavior rather than the internal caverns of the heart...especially during the toddler/preschool years!  Proverbs 4:23 describes the heart as "the well-spring of life". What is written there overflows into our speech, our actions and our character. If our fallen hearts are the real issue, that is where we must place our focus. 

Wyndham has been showing signs of her awareness of sin and her belief in Jesus for some time now, but I admit, I was not prepared for this day. I now understand what II Timothy says about being prepared "in season and out" to share the Gospel. God could be calling you to seize the moment at anytime with anyone. 

I guess I never really thought about what this experience would be like, but it was the sweetest, and yet scariest moment of my life. It was like the weight of the world was suddenly upon my chest- How do we guide this child? She believes God...but what now? There is so much more. Does she really know the cost? Will she be able to withstand opposition? How do we pray for her?

God has been talking to me though His word and through prayer reminding me that Wyndham is not ours...but His. There is no better way to promote and add to the Kingdom than by guiding and training our children to know and serve God. Children are truly a blessing--small welding torches burning away the coal of our hearts- refining us each day into Christ's likeness. No matter how God chooses to use Wyndham in the future, our task remains...and each day, I pray that God will break my heart and pry my white-knuckled fingers off of our children so they can be released for His Sovereign plan...wherever that may be......

"Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in."- Revelation 3:20

"Everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved."- Romans 10:13