When I attended Cornerstone University in the late 90's, I served as a Resident Assistant in a freshman dorm on campus. Pickitt Hall (for all of your stoners) was a communal women's dorm that housed close to 200 girls, and was a social hot-spot for a wide-array of post-high school teens.
It was this year that I also read Dietrich Bonhoeffer's classic, "Life Together". I was so inspired by his perspective, I was just sure that I would graduate and build a Christian commune for all of my most beloved friends and family to dwell forever and ever...in perfect harmony. After all, singing in the shower with 12 other people was kind of fun... and where else is Ramen noodles considered its own food group?
It didn't take long for me to realize however, that forcing people to live and function in a "community" took more than group outings to TGI Friday's, and doing Tae-bo in the stair well at the end of our hall. Community isn't just a social activity-Community is a conscious choice, and it though there can be brief moments of "Waltons-esque" bliss, it takes continuous and thoughtful effort.
In my life and marriage, I have experienced seasons of this communal bliss~ friends helping friends, neighbors helping neighbors. How rare and special- to love and be loved in return. To know that people out there care, and to know, that you really care about them.
As life ebbs and flows, so too my motivation and desire to live out the community Christ longs for us to have with Him, and with one another. It's a tiring process isn't it? Can't I just take a vacation from loving others, and just BE loved for a while? That part is so much easier. Sigh...
When Randy, Wyn and I moved in with my family shortly after selling our house in Grand Rapids this past fall, we knew it would redefine our ideas of community. We've been married 4 1/2 years, have a child, a dog, we've gone through several jobs... and now we're- moving in with my parents?? Are we regressing?
At times, it feels that way, but when I take the time to reflect on lessons learned, I am reminded that it takes work,----but it is always, ALWAYS worth it. Sin has left us out of communion with God- but also each other. Each of us have a deep need to know and be known- a part of being image bearers.
Our society is set up in a way that we can have communities of convenience-online, TV, etc. The media in general has provided us with new ways to communicate, but still cannot offer the tangible, in the flesh experience of BEING in the presence of another person.
And just when you think you have it all figured out, you realize that physical proximity doesn't equal community either. Heck, I can sleep next to Randy night after night, but not really know him. I can live in a house with my parents and sister and have no idea what is going on in their lives. Community takes relationship- Community takes action and Community takes a lifetime of effort.
When I graduated from college, I was so excited about impacting students with a love for music and community... the older I get~ I am realizing what an accomplishment it is just to love and know ONE person. Not mushy gushy love~ real, sacrificial I-care-more-about-you-than-me love.
For me, community is going to start with my marriage and family. Something I've noticed since moving in with my family, is that sometimes the people that have known you since the beginning of time are the hardest to know, and be known by. The closer we are, all of the wounds of my childhood and the pride creep inside those soft places in my heart, and I shut down. Community takes effort- I know this full well.
Christ calls us to "Love One Another"... little did we know that such a seemingly small commandment has so many implications. Whenever I get frustrated with my current living situation, I am reminded of something a good friend recently told me-
"Just be thankful you have someone who is willing to put up with YOU for a few months".
I have no doubt that Mr. Bonhoeffer would agree.
2 comments:
As someone who is trying to live in intentional community, I appreciate this post. We live in a downtown neighborhood with 7 other families from our church. We figured community would just "happen", but it's so much different than that. It takes heart, soul, forgiveness, and grace. We also lived with our neighbors for a few months while our own house was being rehabbed. Again, a glimpse of community...
Deidra, Thank you for your thoughts on unconditional love. You are right on- and it does take work! Please know that you are continually in my thoughts and prayers. Love, Dad (aka: Papa Ross)
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