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I have been in a "mood" for the past several weeks. So long- I think the mood is now a "funk" and has stretched from weeks into months. Teaching elementary music in addition to trying to balance motherhood and marriage, has been the most challenging life experience I have ever had. Though I truly love teaching younger students, I often am teaching in the library, hallway, and wherever else they can find an empty room as I am one of those "nomad" teachers- practically a teacher on a cart if you will.
Every teacher has unique burdens to bear, but what can I say? The violins are playing my song... I have been in pity-land for a greater part of this school year. While I know that many of my concerns and frustrations are completely founded, I have been in my own little world- mainly concerned about myself, and how terribly inconvenienced I am when I am asked to be flexible.
I'm ignorant to everyone but me... maybe not blissfully ignorant... more... disgruntled and ignorant.
One recent dreary day, I drug myself into a friend's classroom to discuss an issue I was having, and secretly, to get a little sympathy about how hard I've got it. Before I could even get into my sob story about the challenges of teaching elementary music, she began telling me how tired she was... how very tired, and very down she was.
This teacher is normally very optimistic, so to hear her come right out with this statement gave me immediate reason to pause. She went on to tell me that she is overwhelmed by the amount of students she has this year that are dealing with poverty, dysfunctional family structures, terminal illness and abuse... more specifically, sexual abuse. She relayed in confidence, some horrifying stories of incest, physical abuse, and drug addiction that some of her students are facing each day.
I stood there in her empty classroom, completely stunned by what I was hearing.
So the kid that inconveniences my day by being disruptive and rude--- is being abused?
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I have a student who is as cute a bug, funny, charming.... and naughty... constantly naughty. This particular student talks about 3 decibles louder than the average person, and from time to time... gets on my last thread of a nerve! I have actually asked his classroom teacher if he has ever had his hearing checked, thinking that if I can't keep his "lips zipped" during class, at least we could bring the volume down into a tolerable range!
Little did I know...this student... this student is one of the students. His hearing has in fact been damaged- along with his vocal chords. What could cause this kind of injury- and to such a young child?
Screaming.
The kind of screaming that happens when a child is being used- thrown into walls, and locked in closets. Screaming that damages the voice beyond repair... even at the young age of five.
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I am no longer ignorant to this. In light of this knowledge, my world has grown bigger and now encompasses the pain of this child. My problems pale greatly in comparison. I'm throwing myself a pity party- but I'm the only one invited.
With knowledge comes perspective- What am I doing with my life that is enhancing the quality of this child's life? What I am doing each day to gradually unravel the lies that he has been told for the past five years? Why am I wasting so much time caring about WHICH room I teach in, and not spending more time caring about WHO I'm teaching?
God never promised that our journey would be easy- I know that full-well. While many recent Christian publications would have us to believe that we can have it all- our best life "now", wealth and happiness... I would wager a guess that they are allowing themselves to live a blissfully ignorant life. Ignorant to the pain, poverty and abuse that is all around us- Behind closed doors, and in plain sight.
We are all guilty of it. It's like being on a perpetual youth group outing. You know the kind:
Feel bad for poor people- Serve poor people soup- Stand aghast at the poverty stricken outcasts- Board the bus back to "normal land"- Feel bad about yourself for a few days- Slip back into self-centered coma that gets you through life.
I cannot- will not- allow myself to live that way anymore. Not when there are so many unmet needs all around us...
Lord Jesus- take my life- help me to take action against injustice and shine light in the darkest places. Help me not to live in ignorance, but to live with an awareness of the broken world around me. Please grant me a heart of compassion and steer me towards fragile souls in need of your love. You wore the chains so we could be free... You wore the chains so we ALL could be free...
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